Sunday, November 16, 2008

Dilemma!

K guys, you're my friends, and I know you can help me w/ this problem. Some of you might already know it, but some of you don't. K, here's the story...

My sister, Tran (19 yrs old), is dating this guy, who lives in Oklahoma (yeah, I know, long distance), and she wants to quit her honors scholarship at the U and move to Oklahoma and go to college there. Mind you that she's already been engaged earlier this year and has known this guy for like 3-4 months. I don't know, I don't really talk to her anymore. Okay, my parents and I were like, let's let her make mistakes. Here's the creepy part...

He's 33 years old and has 5 kids!!!

She thinks that he's a worthy guy, and from the emails I've hacked into on her account, she's already started calling him fiance! I don't know what to do. She just came home tonight, and my parents and her got into a huge fight! She thinks he's a wonderful guy, but he's Mr. Carter's age! Help! I need some of you guys common sense. Oh, and I already tried calling Dr. Laura, but it's always busy. Help me!!!!

12 comments:

Yen said...

Ugh... my dad just came in her and told me all his feelings while I just got to sit there. He kept asking me what he's doing wrong and what he should do. How should I answer that? I keep thinking in my head that they should just cut her off, but they won't do that.

Oh, and new development, she loves his five kids, and he's divorced, and she keeps telling my parents that they don't understand her and that he's a good guy. By the way, she has a test tomorrow,and she's gonna fail, because she already has a C in her classes. There goes her dream of becoming an endodentist.

Sorry I've made this blog my therapist, and sorry you guys have to deal with it. I just need someone or something to vent out of. Oh, feel free to tell your parents if you want. I need all the advice I can get!

Yen said...

Oh, she came home again. AND... the kids were abused by their mother, and so he divorced her. Shouldn't he, her "fiance", give all of his love and attention to his kids that have already been torn apart from the divorce? What makes my sister think that he cares about her, if he doesn't care about his kids (who are under age 10) and what he's already put them through.

Sorry guys, but I really need someone to tell this to, even if my parents keep saying that I shouldn't tell anyone. Oh, and for those of you that are going to my piano concert, make sure you and your parent (if they know), act like they don't know anything about this and confront my parents. Thanks a ton!!!!!

Keilee said...

Wow, I am so sorry! I don't even know what to say. I think your sister needs to be a little open minded and actually think about this. When is she planning to leave for Oklahoma? It would be good if everyone had some time to think this over, and maybe your sister would have time to re-think everything.

Too bad you can't get a hold of Dr. Laura because I can't think of any advice. All I can really think to do is pray with all of your might to know what to do.

Again, I'm sorry your going through this, it sounds like something out of a movie.

Aly said...

Your SISTER?! Oh my heck! Poor Yenny!

I don't know WHAT you should do. I would be totally freaked if I were you. Are you close? Cuz if it were me and my sister, I would talk to her about it, try and see where she's coming from, and then tell her my point of view. But maybe that's just because we're like, bff's and all. I don't know though. Good luck!

Shannah said...

Oh, (In the words of Aly) "Yenny"!
I'm soooo sorry, you have to go through this. This is not the kind of stuff a teenager should be worrying about. You should be worrying about grades and school and fun stuff. Not serious stuff like this! :(

I have to agree with Keilee, just pray for her and we will all do it to.

Hey, maybe if we all call Dr. Laura and tell her if one of us gets a hold of her. Do you know her number. If five people try, we'll have a better chance of success if only 1 person tries.

Don't forget that I love, wait, scratch that, WE love you. We'll try and help you to the best of our abilities.

Love ya!

Amanda said...

Yen, this is experience talking to you. (Though not quite so extreme) Tell her (nicely) how you feel. If she doesn't listen (and my brother didn't), leave her to ruin her own life. Don't let her ruin yours.

Wow, I sound like a jerk now... But it's the truth. Take care of yourself, and love your sister, as she's probably about to learn a difficult lesson.

Hillari said...

Yeah, what everyone else said, especially amanda. You can talk to her and see where she is coming from, then tell her how you feel, even if it is difficult

(if your relationship is like with my sister who just turned 20, I used to hang out with her when I was littler, but it isn't like bff tight and she goes through things that I have no control over and yes sometimes I feel helpless but she always comes through it, with more knowledge than before even if it was a really hard way to gain that knowledge.) anyway, you can tell her how you feel and I know she won't be offended if you say it in the right way. Don't go up to her and say "what you are doing is completely stupid" even if that is what you feel like saying. say it in a way that doesn't get her offended, but still puts your view acrossed.

The most important thing to remember is that she has her agency and can make what ever choices she wants to and she will just have to accept the consequences. unfortuanetly you guys might have to accept those consequences also.

oh, and make sure through all of this you still show her constantly that you love her whatever choices she may make and if she makes a mistake, she will always be open to come back to your house and not be judged. actually I think this is the most important thing to keep in mind throughout everything. I know that if you don't show that you love her and she thinks that you will judge her becuase of the mistakes she made, then she will be too scared to come back and get herself into more of a situation than she should have.

(wow, all of the sudden this inner Opera just burst out of me and started talking, so sorry if nothing made sense. Also, I hope none of it offended you.)
this was the longest comment in the history of comments on this blog. phew!!!

Misty said...

i think everyone has given really good advice, especially amanda and hillary. don't, whatever you do, do not let her choices govern your life. it is kind of like dealing with an addict (i know it sounds bad, but its true). you should do all you can to help, but you also must face the fact that you have no control over what she does, why, or with who.

it is ok to feel bad and sad and hurt about her choices and the direction her life is going right now, but remember what hillary said: always keep your house open (to the best of your abilities, because you dont have control over your parents' decisions either). at the end of this (whether it turns out to be good or bad) she will need to know that she is still welcome to be with her family; it is human nature to be loved and accepted.

but this also doesnt mean that, whatever the outcome, you should just forgive her immediately for hurting you. you deserve to feel loved and accepted just as much as her. do NOT let anyone walk all over you (not that i see you as that kind of person, i'm just saying..).

for the time being, i would try detaching from her situation(which may include detaching yourself from her as well) if she will not listen to you or your parents. try emotional detachment for now, and physical detachment when the time comes.

we can talk more at your concert, because i will be coming :)

i know it is hard, but detaching will help. the main reason i suggest it is because you sound really hurt, worried and stressed over this.

i have some books you could borrow, but you need to let me know if i should bring them to the concert beforehand.


WE LOVE YOU AND ARE PROUD OF YOU!!! PLEASE DON'T EVER FORGET THAT!!!!

Aly said...

OPRAH!

Yen said...

Hey guys.. thanks so much for all the advice. It's just that it's creepy so think that she's dating someone who's Mr. Poulter and Mr. Carter's ages. Plus he has five kids. Yeah, now that I think about it, I kinda wrote this post in the moment, so I was really emotional and freaking out, but now that I'm calm, things are starting to not seem as bad. I'll try to show her my love, although it's hard, because I have rarely seen her since like eighth grade. Oh, and do I seem like a person that would not worry over something like this? You guys know me... I freak out over everything and will worry about it even after something's resolved (okay, not as much as Madeline, I'll admit, but I still worry a lot about everything) Okay, I'm rambling now... Thanks for all the advice!

Oh, by the way... who's actually coming to my piano thingy. I kinda want to have a rough headcount.

Hillari said...

me!!!

Amanda said...

Ummm...not sure...